nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
