I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ketchup is God's man juice
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
