I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
