I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
