I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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