ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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