Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize