Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want to be your penis for a week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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