Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
