Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
