I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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