In America we eat man semen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
