Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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