he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
