you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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