I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
