I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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