i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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