i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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