bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
