We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
