If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
