Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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