I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
