so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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