How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
