I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have fence marks all over my body
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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