just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
