So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
