I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
