I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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