Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize