Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
