get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize