Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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