alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
