seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize