mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
God, I missed his penis.
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