found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
