I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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