Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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