just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
