I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina is officially offended.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
