last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
