tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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