I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
