you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, beer. Big fan.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
