I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
