Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You left your phone here
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