Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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