it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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