Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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