A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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