Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We left an ass print on the piano.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
