I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
