do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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