I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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