Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize