i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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