He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
