i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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