You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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