you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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