After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
