dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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