the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His nipple licking is glorious
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