I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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