omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
