i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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