Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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