And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
love makes seman taste better
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
