dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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