Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
