I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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