I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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