the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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