don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
