I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
whose parrot is this?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
