I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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