You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
as a side note pls kill me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
