She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
