my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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