Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
