Kiss
Puke
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
