Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
